NFL teams' mascots in a fighting match; who comes out on top?

*This blog post is sponsored by the National Football League*

Just kidding, I wish. In honor of the NFL preseason officially starting this week, why not have a little fun with the teams? Let's take away the aspect of football, and focus solely on the mascots.

Picture this: Everyone pays 3x more than they pay for their club seats at NFL games to watch a fighting match between all of the NFL team's mascots. There’s one big randomized bracket to determine who fights who and they just go at it until there’s a winner. Iconic, right? Well instead of an actual fighting match, I have given you a blog post to make up for it.

I've randomized all of the matchups, and I will determine (doing loads of research) which one would win in a fighting match.

Disclaimer: According to Wikipedia, the New York Jets, Green Bay Packers, New York Giants, Los Angeles Chargers, Oakland Raiders, and the Washington Redskins do not technically have mascots, so they are excluded from the fighting match.

Miami Dolphins vs Cincinnati Bengals (A dolphin vs a bengal tiger)

Winning: Cincinnati Bengals

Sorry Miami Dolphins, but I'm afraid that a Bengal, especially on land, could rip a poor dolphin to shreds. (Thinking about that makes me shred a tear, I love dolphins).

Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs Detroit Lions (A pirate vs a lion)

Winning: Detroit Lions

As much as I would love to see a pirate take on a lion and win, I think the lion's got this one in the bag.

Houston Texans vs Jacksonville Jaguars (A bull vs a jaguar)

Winning: Jacksonville Jaguars

A bull versus a jaguar in a fight would be an interesting fight, but if I were that bull, I'd run away as fast I could from a jaguar.

Tennessee Titans vs San Francisco 49ers (A raccoon vs a man seeking the Gold Rush fortunes)

Winning: San Fransisco 49ers

Don't worry raccoon, I don't blame you for being scared of a man searching for some treasure.

Minnesota Vikings vs Denver Broncos (A viking vs a horse)

Winning: Minnesota Vikings

After putting up a long and hard fight, the bronco would fall. (Always, go Broncos)

Los Angeles Rams vs Kansas City Chiefs (A ram vs a a wolf)

Winning: Los Angeles Rams

No animosity towards the Chiefs here, but a ram is an animal I wouldn't want to mess with.

Baltimore Ravens vs Atlanta Falcons (A raven vs a falcon)

Winning: Atlanta Falcons

Given the fact that a raven is a common dinner for a falcon, Baltimore loses this one.

New England Patriots vs New Orleans Saints (A colonist from the 13th century vs a dog)

Winning: New England Patriots

It most certainly isn't my pleasure to make sure the Patriots have another win under their belt, but it appears that way in this matchup.

Philadelphia Eagles vs Dallas Cowboys (An eagle vs a cowboy)

Winning: Philadelphia Eagles

Even with a lasso, an eagle would be able to sneak up and catch that cowboy just like a rat.

Carolina Panthers vs Seattle Seahawks (A black panther vs a hawk)

Winning: Carolina Panthers

A black panther is pretty B.A. so I wouldn’t put it past a panther to beat a hawk.

Chicago Bears vs Cleveland Browns (A bear vs a dog)

Winning: Chicago Bears

Unless that dog gains 500 pounds, then maybe it would have a chance.

Arizona Cardinals vs Indianapolis Colts (A cardinal vs a horse)

Winning: Indianapolis Colts

I don’t see a cardinal as a dangerous animal, so a horse takes this one.

Buffalo Bills vs Pittsburgh Steelers (A buffalo vs a steelworker)

Winning: Buffalo Bills

Man vs buffalo? Yeah the buffalo has the win.

Clearly, I’m a bit excited for this upcoming football season. Mascot fighting matches would definitely be a sight to see, so if anyone makes this dream a reality, don’t forget to give me credit.

Today's Blog Post Bop:

"Work Hard, Play Hard" by Wiz Khalifa

Don‘t forget to cheer on the best team in the NFL this season, the Denver Broncos.

In my humble but accurate opinion,

Ariana J. Bagley